It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
