I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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