I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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