I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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