Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
