please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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