imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
