on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
