Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
