Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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