Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
