someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
