You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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