Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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