Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
