There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
