Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
