You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
