she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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