Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
