Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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