Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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