I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
