I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
