At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
