I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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