Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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