you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
