This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
