U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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