All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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