I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
