I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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