Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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