lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
