remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
