We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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