Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
