He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There r osticjed everywhere
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
