I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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