Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He felt like a one man threesome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
