her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
