You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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