that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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