i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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