party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pants are for mortals
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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