he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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