walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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