I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
