As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
