I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
