Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
